This is going by way too fast. He's six months old now. I really just want to pause him where he is and sit back and enjoy him for a few days. Then I think, One day he'll be a teenager, he'll be a man, and Lord willing, he'll have a family of his own, and then my heart hurts for a moment and in that moment I want to pause him forever.
But I can't.
So I'm trying to learn how to cherish him.
Really, I thought I would be a natural at it. Mommyhood. Showing my kid I love him. Those important things. But as he's gotten older and easier and more willing to be put down (and put off), I've found myself doing just that. He sits on the floor with toys or in his exersaucer while I check off my to-do list. Nothing is wrong with my to-do list, and he needs some independent play-time of course, but I'm realizing that I leave him alone a little too much, a little too long. And then I turn to get him and he's learned something new without me noticing, he's grown again, he's been fussing for ages before I ever noticed. My heart breaks, I cuddle him, then do it again.
Apparently some priorities don't come naturally; they require practice and purposefulness.
The problem, I believe, is that the value I place on my day is based on my visible productivity, not how loved my child feels at the end of it. That must and will change. When you're a momma, there's more to making a home than making the bed in the morning and dinner at night.
Lord, grant me humility, that I may place my child's need to feel loved and valued above my own need to feel productive and busy.
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